Mom's Birthday

Today, my mother is 89 years old. She is now living in an assisted living community in town. Until October, she was living about 1/2 hour away. She lived alone, was still driving (even to my home), and volunteering at the local senior center two days a week.

But after a couple tumbles, which seemed to be getting more serious, my brother and sister and I decided something had to change. Since my sister is a consultant with the company that owns the local assisted living facility, we checked it out.

I took Mom over one Wednesday and we looked around and got some information. My brother went by her apartment and explained all the financials to her, and she decided to move in. But now, I'm wondering if that was such a good idea. Of course, since I live the closest I am the primary caregiver and with her the most, and I get the most feedback from her. So now she is wondering why we "stuck her in here."

Oh, how things appear differently to each of us. We use our own filters to interpret life. We thought we were giving her plenty of information and we thought she was being honest and sincere with us. Little did we know... Now, when friends ask her why she moved in "there," she tells them, "To keep family peace," "Because its what my kids wanted," and other similar comments.

My husband and I take her to lunch most every Sunday, and this being her birthday, we thought we'd continue the same. But Friday, she told me she didn't want to go to lunch today. I said that was fine, but I've been trying to figure it out. "She's tired of doing everything with me," "She's depressed and doesn't want to do anything," "She's angry about being 'stuck in there,'" and anything else that might explain it.

So this morning, I called and asked a friend of hers to take Mom to an activity we were going to tomorrow evening. I got emotional and explained I was worried about her. The friend just called back and told me, she had a great conversation with Mom. She left her laughing, and Mom refused her offer. Mom had responded, "Oh, no, Carrie will be so disappointed if she doesn't get to go. She loved that last program and she looks forward to this." Not...

But we'll go and it will be fine. And life goes on. I love my momma. Happy Birthday, Mom!

What filter am I using to interpret my life that I'm not aware of? Oh, well, or Whatever!!!